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Old joke (it made me giggle)


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#1921 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 07:07 PM

My Grief Councillor died the other day, he was so good at his job, I didn't give a shit !!!


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#1922 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 07:11 PM

On my first day as a roofer I nearly lost my job when the boss caught me having a w*nk

 

He was really good about it and said, not to worry, he would wipe the slate clean !!!!


Edited by ricardo de ponsa, 20 April 2019 - 07:12 PM.

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#1923 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 20 April 2019 - 09:34 PM

Tesco Penis extensions, because 'Every Little Helps'


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#1924 thecodfather

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Posted 21 April 2019 - 07:20 AM

Did you hear about the guy who took Ryanair to court over his missing luggage?

He lost his case!
poker

 


#1925 meme3

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Posted 22 April 2019 - 07:35 AM

Did you hear about a son who laughed?

He made pastry!



#1926 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 23 April 2019 - 06:32 PM

Computer games don't affect kids.

 

I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we would all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music !!!!


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#1927 bri365

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Posted 24 April 2019 - 09:23 PM

A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa.


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#1928 thecodfather

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Posted 25 April 2019 - 10:44 AM

Have any of you seen that new film Constipation?

 

Probably not, it hasn't come out yet.


poker

 


#1929 bri365

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Posted 27 April 2019 - 10:22 AM

I have lost my entire life savings. I made a very very bad investment. I sank all my money into an app to allow chickens to find dates but it flopped as I couldn't make hens meet.


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#1930 hitthesix

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Posted 28 April 2019 - 07:28 PM

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings.

 

“Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”



#1931 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 02 May 2019 - 08:48 PM

I was shopping in my local Poundland the other day and came across the 'Sexual Wellbeing' shelf !!!

 

Allergy relief, Savlon and sticky plasters ?????  Any ideas please ????

 

 

Attached Files


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#1932 bri365

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Posted 15 May 2019 - 10:26 PM

Well I'm starting university tomorrow. I'm studying Cuppa Soup Making and hope to get my Bachelors degree.


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#1933 bri365

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Posted 20 May 2019 - 02:51 PM

I’m reading a horror story in Braille.. Something bad is going to happen.. I can feel it.


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#1934 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 21 May 2019 - 10:14 PM

I went to the Doctors yesterday for a Prostate Examination.

 

I said where do I put my trousers ?

 

He said next to mine !!!! :arghh:


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#1935 bri365

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 05:19 AM

I went to the Doctors yesterday for a Prostate Examination.

 

I said where do I put my trousers ?

 

He said next to mine !!!! :arghh:

The worst thing about my Prostate exam was when I felt both the doctors hands on my shoulders????


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#1936 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 06:56 PM

The worst thing about my Prostate exam was when I felt both the doctors hands on my shoulders????

Anything more than one finger, ain't a Prostate Exam !!!! Believe Me !!!

 

Dr. Ricardo De Ponsa (Struck Off)


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#1937 bri365

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:04 PM

When we were young we were very poor. My mum use to send me to the fishmongers for a pound of whale meat. "tell him to leave the head on for the cat" she use to say. We didn't have a cat.


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#1938 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 09:54 PM

I am a good Doctor about to be struck off for having sex with one of my patients - ten years of training down the drain by

the British Veterinary Council.

 

Dr. Ricardo De Ponsa (Struck Off). :biglaugh: :biglaugh: :biglaugh: :biglaugh: :bigeyes20: :bigeyes30: :bigeyes30: :bigeyes30: :oh:


Edited by ricardo de ponsa, 22 May 2019 - 09:56 PM.

Don't come round and steal my Cheerios !!!!


#1939 bri365

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Posted 24 May 2019 - 08:53 PM

I'll never forget my grandfathers final words to me........."plug me back in you bastar.............."


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#1940 bri365

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Posted 29 May 2019 - 09:40 PM

Our local builders merchant was broken into yesterday, thieves stole sand,cement and gravel. Police say they are looking for some concrete evidence.


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