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Old joke (it made me giggle)


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#1901 unclechicken

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:43 am

When I was younger I used to dig holes in the neighbours garden. Fred and Rosemary used to go crazy when they caught me.



#1902 bri365

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Posted 04 February 2019 - 10:34 pm

I've been reading up about how animals make different sounds in different language countries. For instance in Korea a dog makes a sizzling sound.


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#1903 stardust

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Posted 05 February 2019 - 08:22 pm

We've all been there... ;)

 

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Welcome to the world

 of Daryl... ;)

 

My Facebook <-- because I'm always there...                                                                                                                       

My website <-- take a ganders! :D

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

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with thanks to Alex (aaamusements).

 

 

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#1904 hitthesix

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Posted 05 February 2019 - 08:56 pm

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of purity. The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response, until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and all the other bells went off.



#1905 bri365

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Posted 05 February 2019 - 10:29 pm


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#1906 bri365

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Posted 07 February 2019 - 09:19 pm

Breaking news.. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.


I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night. The ungrateful bitch spat it out.


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#1907 bri365

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Posted 11 February 2019 - 09:44 pm

Chris visited his psychiatrist in Harley Street and told him that he thought he was turning into a packet of biscuits.

'What sort of biscuits?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Square ones,' answered Chris.

'With little holes in them?' the psychiatrist enquired.

That's right, Doc,' responded Chris with relief, 'That's it exactly.'

'You're crackers!' announced the psychiatrist.


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#1908 bri365

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 01:28 pm

I ate four tins of alphabetti spaghetti for breakfast..............................Just had the biggest vowel movement of my life.


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#1909 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 04:26 pm

Police are warning the public that terrorist have planted bombs inside tins of Heinz Alphabetti Spaghetti.

 

They say if one of these tins explode, it could spell  'D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R'.


Stop and smell the flowers, while you can !!!!!


#1910 bri365

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 04:54 pm

Went to the Doctor who gave me a note. I read it and went straight home and showed the wife.

"Look the Doctor says I'm to have daily sex" i said showing her the note.

Wife read it and said "Twat,it says your dyslexic"


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#1911 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 07:29 pm

Yesterday thieves broke into our local Police station and stole all the toilets.

 

A police spokesman today said, "At the moment we have nothing to go on".


Stop and smell the flowers, while you can !!!!!


#1912 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 07:33 pm

Local Police are trying to locate a man who has stabbed six people in the buttocks with a knitting needle.

 

A Police spokesman said, " We think that the Knitting Needle Nutter is working to some kind of pattern" !!!!


Stop and smell the flowers, while you can !!!!!


#1913 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 05 March 2019 - 07:38 pm

Police arrested two men yesterday, one for eating fireworks and one for drinking battery acid.

 

The man who ate the fireworks was let off and the man who drank the battery acid was put on a charge !!!

 

Ricardo De Ponsa

 

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Sober.


Stop and smell the flowers, while you can !!!!!


#1914 bri365

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Posted 06 March 2019 - 03:05 pm

A Weasel walks into a bar.

"Wow don't get many Weasels in here" said the barman, "what can I get you" he asked.

"Pop" goes the Weasel.


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#1915 bri365

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Posted 08 March 2019 - 06:58 am

Friday 8th March is International Women's Day..............It would have been yesterday but they took too long getting ready.


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#1916 bri365

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Posted 14 March 2019 - 10:00 pm

A young man moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home."

The manager liked the lad so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The young man replied "One."


The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"£151,237.64" The guy told him.

The manager choked and exclaimed “£151,237.64? What the hell did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4x4?".

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said........."Well, since your weekends ruined, you might as well go fishing!"”


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#1917 dachshund

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Posted 23 March 2019 - 10:33 pm

i was feeling down last night so i went a comedy site. they had every sort of comedy on their site. Stupidly i clicked on the funny skat category. There was this hefty german bint curling one off on this poor blokes face and all he could do was laugh when it hit his face....... not my idea of shits and giggles


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