52 replies to this topic

[dachshund]

corel is on course for a poetry gold lol

[cashbox1]

a retired old copper called phil
had videoed all of The Bill
then his wife came home late
in a right 2 and 8
so his truncheon came out for a thrill

[cashbox1]

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
to get the postman a letter
when she got there,
the cupboard was bare,
so they did it without - it was better !

[todd1970]

Day off work and its pay day
so i shoot into shipleys for something to play

Straight to the CHANGE machine, dig out a fiver
but the note wont accept and causes me myther

Along comes a girl dressed in a red gown
and snatches my fiver with a harsh frown

she does this simple little magic trick
and the machine accepts it in a fingers click

five shiney pound coins are now in hand
ready to feed into that party time land

i drag a comfy chair across the clean floor
and sit down in front of player no 4

along comes that girl and offers a brew
yeh i'll have coffee with a sugar or two

the fat bloke behind me says 'ello my good mate'
'that machine your now sat at has just lost some weight'

So i quickly switch seats to player no. 3
i then take a sip of my cheap cup o' tea

along comes a dirty, scruffy old bint
her pockets lined with bullion bar mint

she sits down at player no. 1
and whacks in the pounds, now she has none

so i insert my first pound and ready to play
credits count up on the little display

before i know it, i have to dash
back to the cashpoint to withdraw some cash

now 50 quid later, still not a nudge
yes 50 quid gone now its time to budge

The oldie on one now moves onto three
and inserts a pound and looks over at me

Well well well, what can i say
three shiny red 'X''s just came right in her way

Shes bashing and banging she just wont stop
and before she knows it, shes up on the top

Typical old bag, she lets it time out
first spin is £2, that better than nout

Why why why, is that old bag alive?
shes timed out again and its paid twenty five

im stood at the door just watching her win
wish i could go and wipe off that grin

shes bashed it so hard and broke it again
her left hand is up, she wants to complain

still on the top, still shes still going strong
with them jackpot balloons echoing "bonnnggggg"

so this is a tale of the arcade blues
that horrible feeling is you will always lose

Feckin love it m8 , and soooo true !!!

[dachshund]

i was sent to a club by an agent ,i'm a comic its my bread and butter,
i was on with an act that ate razor blades and god you think i'm a nutter
well the beer tasted like cat piss and the piano player was a queer called rose,
and the drummer only one arm you know and a great big boil on his nose.
the strippers tattoo was so funny, on her bum was only a wheel,
but when she bent over it revealed a land rover and all the lads wanted a feel.
i'm out on the stage in the darkness, and i'm doing my act with no lights,
and they started to boo at a joke that was blue, i f*****g died on my arse that night.
i'm stood infront of the comitee and they'd all just got out of jail
"your zip was broke on your trousers fatty, we could see the size of your tail".
"and your not very good as a comic and you pissed in the sink thats a farse"
"we've restricted your pay, have you got out to say?" "i stick the f*****g club up your arse"

chubby brown

[cashbox1]

A sensitive fellow called Mingus
Found foreplay hard work with no fingers.
But his praises are sung
For his fourteen inch tongue
Gives his ladies a pleasure that lingers.

From deep in the crypt at St Giles
Came some screaming that carried for miles
The curate said: Gracious!
Has Father Ignatious
Forgotten the Bishop's got piles?

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a c*nt,
And was f****d by a dog in the hall.

There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose monthlies were rather unstable.
One night at full moon,
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table.

[vectra666]

Here's the poetry corner some great ditties including one from me.

[vectra666]

Amber emu
Thanks to guitar for this wonderful treat,
An emulator almost as real as the land locked slot we all love to beat.
Start off with a grand,
Virtual cash in your hand.
Old classics like Andy capp n red hot roll,
Or why not have a go on the hourly Bingo.
Jackpot spins your goal,
Will you earn a silver coin with any pound you bet,
Onto the raffle how many tickets did you Collect.
Every half past the hour you're off in a spin,
Round and around what freebies will you win.
With a chatbox this makes it more real,
At least there's no Dond.

[bri365]

There was a young lady from Odd,

She wanted a baby from god,

It wasn't the almighty that crept up her nightie,

It was the vicar, the dirty old sod.

[bri365]

There was a young man from Bean,

he invented the $&%#ing machine,

The machine went bang, his balls went clang

and it whipped his spunk to cream.

[vectra666]

A little poem I made up in my tea break....

Jackpots a rising!

Jackpots a rising, it's hardly surprising.
With all that gaming tax,to fill up the cracks.
Of government spending and debts comprising.
From a little pound,the jackpots gained ground.
Slowly up they went, to the gambler extra winnings it meant.
From 4 to 6 and then onto eight,
Going up quicker than a gambler running home late.
Ten, fifteen now twenty-five, luckily the arcade industry's still alive.
Not long though it's paying thirty-five.
When's it gonna stop, or reach the top.
35 was plenty now it's doubled to seventy.
Now the fun's all gone,we know what the manufacture's done wrong.
Dond's and clones a plenty, in goes another twenty.
You spent your wages earnt all week,
Trying to chase the mega streak.
Fobt machines £100 spins, of which of course no body wins.
Bookies on every street corner,make dick Turpin look like little Jack Horner.
Jackpots are rising, it's hardly surprising,
They're Just no fun, now they've reached a ton.

Edited by vectra666, 14 April 2014 - 02:16 PM.

[dachshund]

Any one played the new oscar pistorious drinking game yet?
Get a group together and when anybody gets up to go to the bathroom everyone else has to take 4 shots

[Daryl]

A poem I made about my Alzheimer's Disease when I was first diagnosed... although I feel in a much better place than I did then!

MY ALZHEIMER'S ODE!
===================

I have Alzheimer's - what can I do?
I can't turn to my mum, because she has it too!
I struggle each day, to know what is what,
To know what is real, and to know what is not!

I manage to live I do - I get by,
But when I'm alone, I do ask myself 'Why'?
I'm in my mid forties I'm still pretty youthful
But I look old and hagged - and thats very truthful!

I'm also disabled, and that's such a bind,
To struggle with things physical - as well as my mind!
I have help and support from my support worker's team
And when they pop round, I know this isn't a dream!

So I have dementia, but I'm not yet unable,
To tell the difference between a chair and a table!
But when the time comes, as I know it will do,
I'll go into oblivion - and become someone new!


© Daryl Lees 2014