Jump to content

- - - - -

Time to cut the crap. Once and for all.

  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 zoom



  • Regulars
  • 85 posts

Posted 09 November 2023 - 04:03 PM

I am a gambling addict.


Not just any gambling addict but a long standing problem addict of some 30 years. An addict whose addiction encompasses many forms of gambling with losses into six figures. An addict whose gambling started playing fruit machines when as a kid my dad and his mates would say "here's some change, go play the fruit machine". A Barcrest Special Series being one of the first machines i recall. I can recall all too well the lights and the sounds and the wonder of it all. £100? That looked like all the money in the world back then and to be honest it still does now.


i probably like many others on here have at times gotten a real buzz out of "playing the fruities" and have also gotten hours of enjoyment playing the emulators which allowed me to travel back in time to a more innocent time in a much less costly way. At the risk of contradicting everything else i'm going to type i recognise that the fruit machines gave me fun, escapism, entertainment and deep mental challenges of self awareness, tolerance and the soundness of thought.


I acknowledge all of those things.


I am grateful to Chris Wren and "the scene" though i didn't know him or anyone within it personally.


But it is now time to absolutely cut the crap and tell it like it is. Gambling is evil and gambling addiction a complete total and utter evil cancer that in its worst and most deadliest form, takes over your mind, then you, then your finances and then absolutely everything else that you worked for and held dear. As i remember someone else posting on here many years ago there wasn't a scene There were no good machines. There were no cheats or secrets or "playing methods".  There is nothing to be celebratory of whatsoever here. Fruit machines were and are god awful contraptions designed to separate the foolish from their money and they by design are exceptionally successful at doing just that. 


Let me clear. i am not here to preach because I am not fit to be my own let alone anyone else's judge and i believe we all make and are responsible for our decisions in life. A life we get one good shot at. 


I could post in detail about what gambling has done to me. The life changing amounts of money squandered feeding my addiction. The years of denial. The disastrous impact on me, my mental health and my own feelings of low self esteem or low self worth. I could detail the thoughts of suicide and the self harm or the mood swings. The disastrous effect gambling has had on relationships, the friends I've cut adrift and the family ties lost. I could pot about my first wife's suicide and what it was like to actually see someone choose death in slow time right front of me. I could confess that at the time of her own battle with depression a battle she was to lose, that i was in the grip of gambling and at the very time when she needed me and when i was studying for my dream job i was as much interested in downloading the latest DX as i was in her needs and in saving my marriage.


I could post about what it was like to lose a mum as young as a kid visiting the hospital on the way home from school. Seeing her lying in a hospital bed chained up to machines with pipes sticking out of everywhere and remembering having a nurse, a kind nurse saying "do you want to hold her hand"? Or i could post about the 15 years of abuse i suffered at the hands of a stepmother where i was so miserable that escape method of choice was going down the club to play the fruity.


On and on and on all this crap goes right into middle age.


I could post about the feelings of shame. Of being totally consumed by guilt, by anger, confusion, sadness, regret and yes relief if honest that finally i have admitted to having a problem. I can not put into words the shame i feel at what i have done to my current wife in terms of money lost but also in terms of lack of trust and respect. If instead of gambling away that money, i could have made her and me much more comfortable now and in later life. I could have given her once in a lifetime experiences and now the moneys gone and i cant, i'm gonna have to live with that. 


I cant change the past but i own my crap and i will be owning this and its not going to define me, certainly not the ret of life and i intend to be as honest as i can and get whatever treatment i can going forward.


Why do i post this? There's some selfish reasons of course there are. But, i have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that there are others who log into this and similar forums who are addicts and if just even one word of anything i have said above helps even one person be brave and honest to recognise and take the appropriate steps to admit and change their own life and addiction problems going forward then so be it. 


There were no good machines. There was no "scene". What there was sadly was a whole prime of life squandered on the spin of the reel or the run of a horse. 


If you got this far, thanks for reading. I hope my post helps some of you.











#2 stardust



  • Regulars
  • 720 posts

Posted 09 November 2023 - 07:18 PM

Good luck with the future...

#3 zoom



  • Regulars
  • 85 posts

Posted 19 November 2023 - 11:45 AM

Thanks stardust.

I’m Stunned by the lack of comment to my post.

Like i said there really wasn’t ever any “scene”.

#4 westy20040


    Layout Designer

  • Regulars
  • 680 posts

Posted 19 November 2023 - 12:45 PM

The lack of comments is to do with no one using this site anymore.


http://www.desertislandfruits.com is where everyone can be found.

Edited by westy20040, 19 November 2023 - 12:46 PM.

#5 cja272


    Part of the furniture

  • Regulars
  • 1489 posts

Posted 20 November 2023 - 06:19 AM

This site is dead now as westy says head over to desert island fruits

https://www.facebook...hotosandwebcams Great Yarmouth photos and webcams on facebook  <p> 

#6 stardust



  • Regulars
  • 720 posts

Posted 20 November 2023 - 08:02 PM

Thanks stardust.

I’m Stunned by the lack of comment to my post.

Like i said there really wasn’t ever any “scene”.

Sadly, this site is now like a surviving dinosaur after the meteorite impact 65 million years ago, it is in the dying throes and has been for a couple of years now...

  • ady likes this

#7 vectra666


    No1. Lurker

  • Layout Creator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 9040 posts


Posted 12 December 2023 - 07:37 AM

Great post and very true @zoom I recommend you sign up to desert island and re-post this on there as even if it helps a few members with gambling it helps a lot
And sorry for you loses from real life
The more I do today, The less I do tomorrow.
Fme is alive and screaming into the 21st century!
Enjoy FME and Happy Gaming!!!!




  • Regulars
  • 213 posts

Posted 25 January 2024 - 09:31 AM

Sorry to hear what you have gone through, @zoom,  that sounds awful... I hope you have a better life moving forwards and wish you all the best....

as mentioned above this site is pretty much dying and Desert Island Fruits is the way to go....


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users