I found my first grey pubic hair today.

That's the last time I eat gran's trifle.

There once was a man from Bombay

Who fashioned a woman's CU Next Tuesday out of clay.

But the heat from his prick

Turned it into a brick.

And he chaffed his foreskin away!

Me and the missus have just adopted a little scouse baby.

I said "Can we call him "Google"?

She replied "Why the f*** should we call him that"?

North Korean scientists have successfully mated a cat with a dog giving birth to the countries first ever combo meal....

It has been reported that the Tooth Fairy has collapsed and died of a heart attack after accidentally getting lost and wandering onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show

It has been reported that the Tooth Fairy has collapsed and died of a heart attack after accidentally getting lost and wandering onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show.

This has got to be the most repeated joke on this forum.

IRC tradition at it's finest

As it's 1st June (Blame Geddy for this)....

[11:46am] <@Hisao> !quote strawberry
[11:46am] <@sm14|lappy> "I went to the world strawberry picking championships today.... a woman with no legs won....... jammy cu nt !!!!! - Troutman - 03/09/2003 " {(mpu34 #287)} {(1 results)}

Old MacDonald was sitting on a bench,
Masturbating with a monkey wrench.

Then he missed and hit his balls,

And he shat in his overalls.

I got a warning message from a group of hackers saying that they are watching me.

Fair play lads if you want to watch a 43 yr old heavily bearded pisshead $&%#ing over a 60 yr old woman with a dildo.

Carry on.Britain still has talent lol x

The wife, sexually frustrated, asked me, "When was the last time you gave me an orgasm?"

So I said, "This morning."

She cackled with laughter. "Ha! In your dreams!"

"No I said.... In your coffee."!

Just got back from the World Strawberry Picking Championships, a woman with no legs won.... jammy c***

What's the difference between a Hockey Player and a Hippy Chick?

Hockey Player takes a shower after 3 periods

Got a few more here at this link, told by kids

http://www.vice.com/...irty-jokes/gigi

There's nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for your mother to ask you "Have you been practising?"

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her bacon and grits, along came a spider and sat down beside her, and said "f*** bitch, show me your tits!".

I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few miles of the local marathon run yesterday, not wearing a sports bra.

Your lack of support got me through.

(To a heckler).......

Hey, if you want my come-back, scrape it of your mothers teeth

What does it take to circumcise a Whale?
 

Four Skin Divers.

I ate cat food by mistake. Don't ask me how???

Be worried when you start licking your own arse

Seeing as it's 1st June.....

 

What's got no teeth and smells bad......................The gearbox on the wife's car!

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.

On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her.

On doing this she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.

The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex.

The doctor goes outside so they can have some privacy.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."