I found my first grey pubic hair today.
That's the last time I eat gran's trifle.
There have been 838 items by stanmarsh14 (Search limited from 01-May 14)
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 24 December 2017 - 10:44 AM in Any Topic Chat
I found my first grey pubic hair today.
That's the last time I eat gran's trifle.
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 24 January 2018 - 06:48 PM in Any Topic Chat
There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a woman's CU Next Tuesday out of clay.
But the heat from his prick
Turned it into a brick.
And he chaffed his foreskin away!
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 16 October 2017 - 10:52 PM in Any Topic Chat
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 08 October 2017 - 01:21 PM in Any Topic Chat
Me and the missus have just adopted a little scouse baby.
I said "Can we call him "Google"?
She replied "Why the f*** should we call him that"?
"Well" I said, "He's going to spend most of his life getting searched"
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 05 August 2017 - 09:29 AM in Any Topic Chat
North Korean scientists have successfully mated a cat with a dog giving birth to the countries first ever combo meal....
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 25 January 2018 - 11:08 AM in Any Topic Chat
It has been reported that the Tooth Fairy has collapsed and died of a heart attack after accidentally getting lost and wandering onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 25 January 2018 - 11:08 AM in Any Topic Chat
It has been reported that the Tooth Fairy has collapsed and died of a heart attack after accidentally getting lost and wandering onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 03 June 2019 - 07:56 PM in Any Topic Chat
This has got to be the most repeated joke on this forum.
IRC tradition at it's finest
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 31 May 2018 - 11:04 PM in Any Topic Chat
As it's 1st June (Blame Geddy for this)....
[11:46am] <@Hisao> !quote strawberry
[11:46am] <@sm14|lappy> "I went to the world strawberry picking championships today.... a woman with no legs won....... jammy cu nt !!!!! - Troutman - 03/09/2003 " {(mpu34 #287)} {(1 results)}
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 28 March 2018 - 11:35 AM in Any Topic Chat
Old MacDonald was sitting on a bench,
Masturbating with a monkey wrench.
Then he missed and hit his balls,
And he shat in his overalls.
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 21 March 2018 - 09:30 AM in Any Topic Chat
I got a warning message from a group of hackers saying that they are watching me.
Fair play lads if you want to watch a 43 yr old heavily bearded pisshead $&%#ing over a 60 yr old woman with a dildo.
Carry on.Britain still has talent lol x
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 31 July 2017 - 03:56 PM in Any Topic Chat
The wife, sexually frustrated, asked me, "When was the last time you gave me an orgasm?"
So I said, "This morning."
She cackled with laughter. "Ha! In your dreams!"
"No I said.... In your coffee."!
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 01 June 2016 - 11:23 AM in Any Topic Chat
Just got back from the World Strawberry Picking Championships, a woman with no legs won.... jammy c***
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 09 December 2013 - 12:50 AM in Any Topic Chat
What's the difference between a Hockey Player and a Hippy Chick?
Hockey Player takes a shower after 3 periods
Got a few more here at this link, told by kids
http://www.vice.com/...irty-jokes/gigi
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 28 November 2014 - 10:58 PM in Any Topic Chat
There's nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for your mother to ask you "Have you been practising?"
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 10 November 2013 - 03:10 PM in Any Topic Chat
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 14 October 2013 - 12:54 AM in Any Topic Chat
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her bacon and grits, along came a spider and sat down beside her, and said "f*** bitch, show me your tits!".
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 20 August 2013 - 11:06 PM in Any Topic Chat
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 11 December 2014 - 04:32 PM in Any Topic Chat
I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few miles of the local marathon run yesterday, not wearing a sports bra.
Your lack of support got me through.
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 24 February 2015 - 10:51 PM in Any Topic Chat
(To a heckler).......
Hey, if you want my come-back, scrape it of your mothers teeth
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 21 May 2016 - 08:47 PM in Any Topic Chat
What does it take to circumcise a Whale?
Four Skin Divers.
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 01 June 2015 - 08:55 AM in Any Topic Chat
I ate cat food by mistake. Don't ask me how???
Be worried when you start licking your own arse
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 01 June 2015 - 08:49 AM in Any Topic Chat
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 28 February 2015 - 07:13 PM in Any Topic Chat
What's got no teeth and smells bad......................The gearbox on the wife's car!
Posted by stanmarsh14 on 21 July 2013 - 11:24 AM in Any Topic Chat
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years.
On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her.
On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex.
The doctor goes outside so they can have some privacy.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."