Skinny little Irish man goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irish man staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irish man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me...... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irish man says: 'Turner Brown?! .... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!!!!

There once was a man from Bombay

Who fashioned a woman's CU Next Tuesday out of clay.

But the heat from his prick

Turned it into a brick.

And he chaffed his foreskin away!

I found my first grey pubic hair today.

That's the last time I eat gran's trifle.

Me and the missus have just adopted a little scouse baby.

I said "Can we call him "Google"?

She replied "Why the f*** should we call him that"?

North Korean scientists have successfully mated a cat with a dog giving birth to the countries first ever combo meal....

It has been reported that the Tooth Fairy has collapsed and died of a heart attack after accidentally getting lost and wandering onto the set of the Jeremy Kyle Show

I got a warning message from a group of hackers saying that they are watching me.

Fair play lads if you want to watch a 43 yr old heavily bearded pisshead $&%#ing over a 60 yr old woman with a dildo.

Carry on.Britain still has talent lol x

This has got to be the most repeated joke on this forum.

IRC tradition at it's finest

Roses are red-ish, 
violets are blue-ish, 
if you don't have a foreskin 
you're probably jew-ish

As it's 1st June (Blame Geddy for this)....

[11:46am] <@Hisao> !quote strawberry
[11:46am] <@sm14|lappy> "I went to the world strawberry picking championships today.... a woman with no legs won....... jammy cu nt !!!!! - Troutman - 03/09/2003 " {(mpu34 #287)} {(1 results)}

Old MacDonald was sitting on a bench,
Masturbating with a monkey wrench.

Then he missed and hit his balls,

And he shat in his overalls.

The wife, sexually frustrated, asked me, "When was the last time you gave me an orgasm?"

So I said, "This morning."

She cackled with laughter. "Ha! In your dreams!"

"No I said.... In your coffee."!

I was licking out my secretary today when I suddenly stopped and said, "Susan, I can't do this to my wife!"

"Because you love her?" she asked.

I said, "No, because her fanny stinks:"

There's nothing more awkward than beating your family on a Wii game that requires the remote to be vigorously jerked back and forth, only for your mother to ask you "Have you been practising?"

I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few miles of the local marathon run yesterday, not wearing a sports bra.

Your lack of support got me through.

What's the difference between a Hockey Player and a Hippy Chick?

Hockey Player takes a shower after 3 periods

Got a few more here at this link, told by kids

http://www.vice.com/...irty-jokes/gigi

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her bacon and grits, along came a spider and sat down beside her, and said "f*** bitch, show me your tits!".

Let's not be too serious its nearly Christmas.

I've treated myself to a Jehovah Witness advent calender -

it's giving me a lot of pleasure

Every day I open a door and tell it to " f*** Off"

(To a heckler).......

Hey, if you want my come-back, scrape it of your mothers teeth

Just got back from the World Strawberry Picking Championships, a woman with no legs won.... jammy c***

What does it take to circumcise a Whale?
 

Four Skin Divers.

Seeing as it's 1st June.....

 

What's got no teeth and smells bad......................The gearbox on the wife's car!