1906 replies to this topic

[stanmarsh14]

As it's 1st June (Blame Geddy for this)....

[11:46am] <@Hisao> !quote strawberry
[11:46am] <@sm14|lappy> "I went to the world strawberry picking championships today.... a woman with no legs won....... jammy cu nt !!!!! - Troutman - 03/09/2003 " {(mpu34 #287)} {(1 results)}

[bri365]

The thing I love the most about this weather is the short skirts and low cut tops

Although they do make me look a bit camp.

[cashbox1]

ladies,if your partner tells you he wants to kick your puppy,dont phone the RSPCA,he`s just crap at using predictive texting

[stanmarsh14]

Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Yep."
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Welshman: "Dog dont talk But."
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Welshman: (Look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse dont talk but."
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheeps a f*****g liar bud!!"

[bri365]

A big cat escaped from a zoo yesterday. If i came across it i'd definitely Puma pants!

[bri365]

Indian lady collapsed in the street today and everyone was worried she was dead. I pointed to the red dot on her head and told them she was on standby.

[bri365]

My town just had its annual incest competition, I entered my sister.

[bri365]

I went to view a house on a Native American reservation

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"No way" He replied. "Get your own wife !!!”....

[stardust]

A Scottish woman walks into her bedroom and catches her husband $&%#ing into a wellie...

"Och aye Jock" she yells - "you dirty barsted... stop fooking aboot"!! 

[stardust]

Made me smile...

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[stardust]

Well, we mustn't be too morbid in life, must we?!   

 

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[dachshund]

My mobile is doing my head in. I keep getting unwanted football updates. 1 min it's the latest news the next it's scores.

This blummin phone
This blummin phone.......

[bri365]

What do you get when you mix Goat DNA and Human DNA????

Banned from the petting zoo and a criminal record.

[bri365]

Waitress asks a gentleman "are you ready to order sir?".

"just waiting for the wife" he replied "she's gone to the toilet"

"oh do you know what's she's having" she enquired.

"Probably a shit from the amount of time she's been in there" he said.

[stardust]

Guilty! 

 

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[cashbox1]

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[stanmarsh14]

Roses are red-ish, 
violets are blue-ish, 
if you don't have a foreskin 
you're probably jew-ish

[stardust]

Archaeologists have found a new tomb in Egypt, with a mummy wrapped up in it with chocolates and hazelnuts placed on top of the body...

 

They believe it to be the long-lost "Pharaoh Rocher"...

[bri365]

My Granddad has been told by his Doctor that he needs to take Viagra everyday for the rest of his life.................He's okay about it but Nan's taking it hard.

[unclechicken]

I shagged my wife over the freezer last week, got banned from Iceland for life.