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Old joke (it made me giggle)


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#1781 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 24 April 2018 - 09:26 pm

I got a book out of the library the other day, "The History Of Glue".

 

I haven't been able to put it down all week, I'm stuck on Chapter 4 !!!!!!!


If there's something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call ?????   The Council !!!!!!!!


#1782 bri365

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Posted 25 April 2018 - 12:17 pm

What's the first sign of madness?

Suggs walking up your driveway....


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1783 stardust

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Posted 29 April 2018 - 05:18 pm

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

 

Licalotapus

 

(I'll get me coat - again)


Welcome to the world

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My Facebook <-- because I'm always there...                                                                                                                                                         My website <-- take a ganders! :D

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

...and now - the revamped and updated:

 

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Exactly how I meant the page to be when I created it all those years ago...

with thanks to Alex (aaamusements).

 

 

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#1784 hitthesix

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Posted 29 April 2018 - 11:41 pm

A man and his wife are sitting in front of their PC, and trying to set up a new password. The husband types 'mypenis' as password. The wife immediately falls on ground laughing as she sees an error message on the computer screen that reads as "Error! Password's Not Long Enough."



#1785 cashbox1

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Posted 30 April 2018 - 12:57 am

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

 

Licalotapus

 

(I'll get me coat - again)

how many screws in a lesbian`s bed ? none - its all tongue and groove :D :D


heavy.......


#1786 bri365

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Posted 30 April 2018 - 09:55 pm

how many screws in a lesbian`s bed ? none - its all tongue and groove :D :D

Two deaf Lesbians in the in the library had their hands down each others trousers, apparently they were lip reading.


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1787 bri365

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Posted 01 May 2018 - 06:11 am

Why don't blind people skydive?

Because it scares the shit out of the dog.


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1788 stardust

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Posted 02 May 2018 - 06:52 pm

This put me off bananas... 

 

Attached File  10320406_779652775387720_6604191688134629181_n.jpg   41.69KB   0 downloads


Welcome to the world

 of Daryl... ;)

 

My Facebook <-- because I'm always there...                                                                                                                                                         My website <-- take a ganders! :D

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

...and now - the revamped and updated:

 

Fruit-Emu on Facebook

 

Exactly how I meant the page to be when I created it all those years ago...

with thanks to Alex (aaamusements).

 

 

  • Updated with all the latest that is happening here at Fruit Emu; 
  • Encouraging new members to join up and take part in the fun here at the Fruit-Emu forums;
  • Any problems? Give a shout to us - we'll try and answer you as soon as possible or direct you to Fruit-Emu forums help...

 

Pop over if you have a Facebook account...

and support us there on our community page!


#1789 bri365

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Posted 04 May 2018 - 06:58 am

There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

 

Bloody Foreigner.


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1790 cashbox1

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Posted 04 May 2018 - 07:13 am

a few years back,i was in my local supermarket and the chairman of Apple came in and bought all the Mr Sheen,i thought "typical", "jobs taking all our polish" :D


heavy.......


#1791 hitthesix

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Posted 06 May 2018 - 09:48 pm

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

 

 

”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.”

 

 

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

 

 

When I see birds fly, I think to myself: “If I was a bird, who would I shit on?”

 

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.



#1792 bri365

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Posted 06 May 2018 - 10:21 pm

I was in the supermarket the other when I turned around suddenly and my elbow hit a woman right in the boob.

"Sorry madam" i said "But if your heart is as soft as your bosom, you'll forgive" i continued.

"That's alright dear" she replied, and then said "if you dick is as hard as your elbow, I'll meet you in the car park".


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1793 stanmarsh14

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Posted 10 May 2018 - 12:52 am

Don't you just love it when people knock on your door collecting for charity......Had one collecting for the local sperm bank last night..... So I gave her a right mouthful.



#1794 bri365

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Posted 10 May 2018 - 08:12 pm

Went to the doctors today to tell him that I keep hearing voices from my underpants!

He told me to ignore the voices as they were talking bollocks!!


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1795 stanmarsh14

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Posted 13 May 2018 - 09:18 am

£20m to make a film about Maddie McCann..... the hell are they gonna call it, Home Alone: Lost in Portugal?



#1796 bri365

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Posted 13 May 2018 - 10:59 pm

My wife woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning. I love felt tips.


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1797 hitthesix

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Posted 14 May 2018 - 06:18 pm

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

 

 

 

 

For anyone who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.

 

 

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea; does that mean that one enjoys it?



#1798 bri365

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Posted 14 May 2018 - 09:13 pm

My daughter keeps giving everyone in the house shocks from static electricity. I've grounded her.


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1799 bri365

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Posted 15 May 2018 - 08:10 pm

Prince Harry says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a f***, he's still going!


If you killed your parents would you be an orphan?

#1800 ricardo de ponsa

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Posted 31 May 2018 - 07:54 pm

After several years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays ...............But I go fishing on Fridays!


If there's something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call ?????   The Council !!!!!!!!





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