Old joke (it made me giggle)

[PJ]

Originally Posted by DaemonX

...why did the chicken cross the road.... (do I need to finish this)...

To avoid the chicken-shager of course...

[RB]

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare. Eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy named Jack from Carmichael Saskatchewan stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time.
No one moves.
He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps...
He whispers...."Iron this -- and then get me a beer."

[stevedude2]

A fat bloke goes to the doctors because he's dangerously overweight. The doctor examines him and says 'Yes....I think I can see what the problem is. It's your feet. Your feet are making you fat.'

'How come?' the tubby gent replies.

'Well Sir....you can't keep them out of the cake-shop'.




A bloke goes into a sex shop and says, 'I'd like to buy a sex-doll please'. The assistant says,'Certainly sir. we have two types, standard which costs £50, and Muslim which costs £120'
'What's so special about the Muslim one?' says the bloke.
'It blows itself up', comes the reply.

[adydb]

Originally Posted by Jamesbond_007838

Thats an old one :P

To some...I haven't heard it and it made me laugh, I have heard some of the others though as have some other people.

The idea of this thread isn't to give heard that or not it's a bit of fun...Let's have no Have/Haven'ts and the end of each post --- Just enjoy what you haven't heard......And as theres so many heards in my post.....

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

Now that is old

warning - sick joke....



A vampire walks in to a cafe and walks over to the counter.....
puts his hand into his cape and brings out a used tampon.
"scuse me, can i have a cup of boiling water so i can make a cup of tea.

[PJ]

And will someone PLEASE clue me up on that biscuit joke earlier?... 8O 8O 8O

[unclechicken]

The biscuit joke earlier was just a nonsense thing my mates at school made up.

Theres absolutely no punchline to it whatsoever. Thats the whole joke.

Its just totally stupid, just like this next one as well....

A man goes into a shop and asks "Have you any sliced bread here?"

The shopkeeper says "No, sorry sir!"

Man replies "Its ok, ive got my bike outside!"

See what I mean, at my school we didnt have much to do, so we made up crap, pointless jokes like the biscuit one and this one about bread.

Another crap joke is this one....

Q) Whats E.T. short for????
A) Cos hes got small legs!

lol

[PJ]

Originally Posted by unclechicken

...Theres absolutely no punchline to it whatsoever. Thats the whole joke...

You mean like:-

Q - What's the difference between a duck?
A - Both its legs are the same... ?

[unclechicken]

Yep exactly like that lol.

Its like.....

Two ducks walking down the street

One says "Where do you live?"

Other one says "F**k me, a talking duck!"

There just totally stupid

Like this one too......

Q) Whats red and invisible?
A) No Tomatoes!

[unclechicken]

Nelson Mandela is sat at home watching TV.

Theres a knock on the door. "Excuse me sir, would you sign for these car doors?". Nelson always the happy chap he is signs for the parts, and takes them inside.

3 days later, knock at the door. "Excuse me sir, can you sign for these 4 car batteries and 8 wing mirrors?". Nelson, a bit confused, signs for the car parts and starts to think.

2 days after this, another knock on the door, "Excuse me sir, can you sign for these 4 engines, 32 hubcaps and this airbag?". Nelson now a bit suspicious asks the man for the Invoice.

You daft b*****d, Nelson says, it says "Nissan Main Dealer"

lol