Old joke (it made me giggle)

[bigbear999]

becks and victoria have invited jacko for a holiday on their new boat.'sure' says jacko,'id love to come on your little cruz'!!!!

[Gazeyre1966]

A young black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking bread. He walks up to the flour and covers his face in it.

"Look mum...I'm a white boy" he cries.

His mum gives him such a slap in the face and says "Go show your father what you have done".

The boy goes to his father and reluctantly says "Look dad...I'm a white boy".

His father puts the boy across his knee and spanks his arse and then tells the boy "Go show your Grandmother what you've done".

The boy goes to his grandmother and sheeplishly says "Look gran...I'm a white boy".

The gran gives him a clip around the ear and tells him to go back to his mother.

The boy goes back and immediately his mother says "I hope you've learned a valuable lesson today".

To which the boy replies...."Damn right I have.....I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and I hate you black b******s already!!!!".

[ross]

wots mic jackson and sata claws got in common?

they both leave childrens rooms with empty sacks!

[unclechicken]

Michael Jackson asks his lawyer to get him a good DVD in to watch.

"Shall I get you Aladdin?" asks the lawyer.

"Dont you think im in enough trouble???" says Jacko.

I know its a bit old now, but its not on here lol



And the worst joke in history I heard when I was at school......



Two biscuits walking down the street. One says "Where do you live?"

The other replies "Im not telling you, you'll nick my washing!!"




Thats poor.......


Two piles of sick are walking down the street, one of them starts crying.

"Whats up with you" asks the first one.

The second one says "I was brought up round here"

[RB]

The Phone Call


((((RING)))) (((RING)))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause...

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"

[RB]

John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike"
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too"

[PJ]

Originally Posted by unclechicken

...Two biscuits..."Where do you live?"..."Im not telling you, you'll nick my washing!!"...

I think you're gonna have to explain that one to me... :-?

[Jamesbond_007838]

Originally Posted by RB

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"

Thats an old one :P

[stevedude2]

A bloke gets a job at the local store. On the first day he turns up early, all enthusiastic and eager to impress. The manager says, 'OK John, I'm going to start you off behind the till. Watch me for a few minutes, and I'll show you how it's done!'

The manager stands behind the desk, and his new employee looks on intently as a guy walks in.

'Hi there Sir, how may I be of assistance?' says the manager, trying to set a good example.

'I'd like a packet of grass-seeds please', the customer replies.

Manager: There you go sir, one pack of grass seeds at 59p, and here's your lawn-mower...
Customer: You what?
Manager: Your lawn-mower sir....
Customer: What do I need that for?
Manager: Well sir, when you plant the seeds you'll have grass in a few weeks and you'll need the lawn-mower to mow the grass. Simple. Pay me £5 a week for 10 weeks and it's yours...
Customer: Oh yes, I didn't think of that, thanks...

And the customer walks out really happy.

Manager: There you go John, THAT is how it's done, learn from the master (etc). Go on, you serve the next customer...

John stands at the counter for a minute, and then another bloke walks in.

Customer#2: Can I have a packet of tampons please?

John: Yes certainly sir, [reaches under the counter and produces a box of jam-rags, this shop has everything...] one pack of tampons, that'll be £1.20...and here's your lawn-mower...

[The manager stands in disbelief, then turns away, his head in his hands...]

Customer#2: What do I want a lawn-mower for, you dipshit?

John: Well sir, it looks like your weekend's fucked, so you might as well cut the grass...

[DaemonX]

if we're going for old jokes.....

why did the chicken cross the road.... (do I need to finish this)

ok... pub related jokes.

a man walks into a bar... OUCH.

2 men walk into a bar, (which is stupid as you'd think one of them would have noticed it!)


a packet of crisps walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of guinness..... the barman replys... sorry sir, we don't serve food here!.

a lion walks into a bar and orders..... a large coke........and...... a packet of crisps...... Certainly sir, replys the barman but why the large pause? (paws)

an antelope walks into a bar and orders a strongbow, the barman serves him then asks... why the long face?

(back to my white room now, hmmm soft padding)